My best friend keeps hitting on my girlfriend what should I do?

My best friend keeps hitting on my girlfriend what should I do?

Dear Aden ask@askaden.com

My best friend keeps hitting on my girlfriend what should I do? Ok, here is my problem, my girlfriend and I have an amazing sex life, we are young and like to have fun, we like to go out to clubs and sometimes stay up all night parting. We have amazing sex, we will come home after being out and watch porn, talk dirty and have super kinky sex.

My problem is that about a month ago my best friend who just broke up with his girlfriend was out with us and he was too wasted to drive home so he rode with us. My girlfriend and I were pretty messed up and having fun and one thing lead to another and she stripped down to her panties in front of my friend. Nothing happened except a little showing off, now my friend keeps hitting on my girlfriend.

I feel like I screwed myself on this one, what can I do to get my friend to stop hitting on my girlfriend, it was fun that night but now I’m pissed and its getting old!
-R.



Dear R.

Thank you for your email “My friend keeps hitting on my girlfriend”. You have yourself in quite a pickle with not a lot of options. I would suggest confronting your friend and telling him that you understand that night was a crazy night but that it was some you should all blame on the booze and parting and it makes you and her feel uncomfortable and you would appreciate it if as friend, he would go out of his way to avoid any uncomfortable situations from here on out. Spell it out that you don’t want ANY flirting going on. If he keeps it up, it may be time for a new friend. That is just about the only way I can answer ” My best friend keeps hitting on my girlfriend what should I do? “
-A.

My friend keeps hitting on my girlfriend

Is borderline personality disorder learned or taught?

borderline personality disorder

Dear Aden ask@askaden.com


I came across the borderline personality disorder links on your page. My question to you is, is this learned? My dad constantly cheated on my mother and she would go crazy swinging at him, throwing things, and yelling at the top of her lungs. As if it were completely normal. It wasn't just the cheating that would set her off that way. If they fighting I figured he did something once again to deserve her screaming and punching. I have a boyfriend and I admit I do the same as my mother. I scream and hit him and get as crazy. Now my boyfriend has never hit me on his own or hit me back. This is a huge problem in our relationship. He hasn't cheated on me so that's different from my parents relationship. But like my mom I felt like it was ok. I feel like I can't stop and control myself. I'm realizing now it's NOT ok especially if I want to keep my boyfriend. Is borderline personality disorder learned or taught? Is there a way I can do anything to better myself or fully change?
-anonymous



Dear Anonymous,

There is a lot of things you can do to better yourself. The behaviors you are displaying are learned from your mother and father but that does not mean you have borderline personality disorder. It also does not mean that you have an excuse for your behavior. Starting today you need to stop yelling, hitting and losing control. Unfortunately, it may be too late for the relationship with your boyfriend as once you abuse someone it is hard to stop abusing them.
I would find a counselor you can talk to that can help with a plan to change. Trust me, you can change and life will be a lot easier when you do. With the information you have given i think it is premature to think you have borderline personality disorder.
-A.

Is Facebook bad for relationships?

Is Facebook bad for relationships?

Dear Aden ask@askaden.com Ask Aden

Is Facebook bad for relationships? I just broke up was an amazing woman who I really liked. She is beautiful, smart, fun and funny. She was everything I was looking for in a woman except there was one thing that I could not deal with, her seemingly separate life on Facebook. Am I crazy or is Facebook bad for relationships? Here's the situation with me and this girl; we met through friends and began dating things were going great but she was always posting everything she was doing to her Facebook account, everything she was doing except me. One part of me would get angry that every event I took her to was instantly public knowledge via her constant Facebook posts and the other part of me would get angry because she was fail to mention that she was going to these events with me. The other thing that makes me think Facebook is bad for relationships is that she seemed to see no problem with the fact that her ex-boyfriend's were friends with her on Facebook. Talk about annoying, here I was at the beginning of a relationship doing my best to impress this girl and I had to deal with all the tools she had dated before sending her messages via her Facebook account. Why can't people live normal lives without having to put every little thing they are doing on Facebook or Twitter. Am I crazy or is Facebook bad for relationships?

- Mike

Dear Mike,

Thank you for your e-mail “is Facebook bad for relationships” in your particular case I can't agree with you more. I have a feeling that Facebook ruins a lot more relationships than people realize and I can see your point that you do not want your
and personal life scrutinized by somebody's ex-boyfriend on Facebook. I think the real issue here was if she was mature enough to be in the type of relationship that you are looking for. I personally would never date somebody that posted everything about our relationship and what we were doing on Facebook and was still unwilling to break off the connection with her ex-boyfriend's.

Thanks for writing in, speak soon.

-A.

What is the fastest way to get abs?

Dear Aden ask@askaden.com

What is the fastest way to get abs? I'm 30 years old now, summer is approaching and I'm single. I want make this the best summer I've ever had, I want to meet a lot of girls and spend a lot of time at the pool I figure the best way to do this is to get in shape and find out what is the fastest way to get abs. You seem like a pretty fit guy can you tell me what is the fastest way to get abs, if it works I'll buy you a beer at the pool.

- Casey



Dear Casey,

I placed a video response to your question above. Thank you for your e-mail titled “what is the fastest way to get abs” I agree, but if you want to spend time by the pool, feel good about yourself, look good and have women notice you the best thing to learn is what is the fastest way to get abs. I struggled with this myself and even spent quite a bit of money on a personal trainer. However the matter how much time I spent at the gym or on a personal trainer my abs just never seem to pop out. What I found was there was a lot of things that I was doing wrong, and the things I was doing right I wasn't doing enough of. For me personally, the answer to the question what is the fastest way to get abs came when I bought a system called The Truth About Six Pack Abs. For me I thought I knew more than I did in a lot of the stuff I knew was actually wrong information. The truth about six pack abs system helped me stay on target do the right things and most importantly I noticed my stomach was starting to get chiseled even after only three or four weeks. It's been four months now and I feel like I have a pretty great stomach I plan on sticking with this system from here on out. I hope this answers your question and you end up having a great summer and everybody compliments you on your great abs. If I see you at the pool, I'll be sure to take you up on that beer.
Hope that helps,
-A.

I want to have sex with my friends mom

I want to have sex with my friends mom

Dear Aden ask@askaden.com


I'm hoping you can give me some relationship advice, my problem is that I want to have sex with my friends mom and it's been all I can think about for several years now. I'm 22 years old and I've know my friend since we were in high school that's when I first started thinking about her. I'm in college now and still very good friends with her son and she has been divorced for two years. Is it crazy that I want to have sex with my friends mom? She is 45, smart, funny and I just have such a big crush on her. I feel like when I see her but she flirts with me but I've never asked her out on a date and she's never contacted me outside of our dealings with her son.

I want to remain friends with him but at the same time I can't stop thinking that I want to have sex with my friends mom, is there any relationship advice you can give me on this subject.
- Cameron



Dear Cameron.

Thank you for your e-mail titled “I want to have sex with my friends mom”. I know this is something you've been thinking about for years now and in your mind she is the perfect woman for you, however I would strongly urge you against making advancements on your friends mom. The fact that you want to have sex with your friends mom may mean that you are attracted to older women. At 22 years old you are certainly old enough and mature enough to date an older woman I would just recommend that older woman not be your friends mom. In my opinion if you let your friend or his mom know that you are thinking about her not only would it ruin your relationship with your friend, your friend's mother would have nothing to do with you and it would probably cause a great deal of tension between your friend and his mother. It's okay to fantasize about your friends mom but as far as acting on those emotions it just wrong on too many levels.

Perhaps you should go out and focus on meeting an older woman that does not happen to be the mother of any of your friends.
I've attached a video that I titled “I want to have sex with my friends mom” to add some more color to my opinion on the subject.
Hope that helps,
-A.

How to select a modeling agency

Dear Aden ask@askaden.com


Can you give me any advice on how to select a modeling agency? I'm 19 years old and really want to start a career in modeling, the problem is I have absolutely no idea where to start and I'm really worried about hooking up with bad people. I found advertisements for a few modeling agencies that require the models to pay to be part of the agency, does this seem right to you? Should a model pay the modeling agency? Do you have any tips on how to select a modeling agency?

- Rachel

Dear Rachel,

Thank you for writing in with your question on how to select a modeling agency. I agree with you that this can be a pretty scary process and yes there are a lot of bad modeling agencies out there. I've answered your question in the video below and here are a few tips on how to select a modeling agency:

How to select a modeling agency tip number one: find them, if you are thinking about starting a career in modeling seek out the best modeling agencies in your area. Schedule a meeting to talk with the agency. Do not pay the modeling agency to be a part of their agency. You may need to pay for some start up photos but that's about it and you would pay that directly to the photographer. If a modeling agency asks you for money to be a model they are probably not a modeling agency you want to be working with.

How to select a modeling agency tip number two: never take your clothes off! Any modeling agency that asks you to get naked is a bad modeling agency and may not be a modeling agency altogether. Never take your clothes off and never do anything that makes you feel uncomfortable. If you are under 18 definitely bring your parent or guardian with you to meet with the modeling agency.

How to select a modeling agency tip number three: do your homework online first, don't get caught up in the excitement of a potential modeling agency wanting to book a meeting with you. make sure that before you go to the meeting you do your homework on that agency. It is fairly easy to tell judging by a modeling agency's website whether or not they are a legitimate modeling agency or a scam.


I hope this helps and good luck with your modeling career.

-A.

Why didn't he call me back?

Why didn't he call me back?

Dear Aden ask@askaden.com
Why didn't he call me back? There is this great guy that I met through friends, all our friends seem to say that we are perfect for each other. One of my friends husband is really good friends with this guy and so he arranged for us to meet on a date. In my opinion the date went very well we had dinner and a few drinks and had a great time. So why didn't he call me back? It is been over a week now and I have not heard from him I left a message the day after our date thanking him and telling him I had a great time can you give me any advice on why didn't he call me back?

Tiffany,



Dear Tiffany,

Thank you for your e-mail asking “why didn't he call me back?” I think your e-mail is a perfect example of one of the few weaknesses in the near-perfect female relationship armor. Women have evolved over thousands of years to become emotional and dating warlords, let's face it women have tremendously more power than men do when it comes to dating and controlling relationships. Just because it is up to the man to ask you for your phone number and up to the man to call you back doesn't mean you don't have power in the relationship. To answer your question “why didn't he call me back” would take a lot of analysis, there are tons of variables; it could be that he's busy, that it wasn't a good fit for him, or that he's receiving pressure from the friends that set the date up, whatever the reason is; who cares! The weakness in your awesomely powerful female armor is that you are devoting so much time over something so stupid as the reason why he didn't call you back. The next time you have a date like this, thank the guy at the end of the date, don't call him the next day and if and when he calls you back make him chase you a little. I know it's playing games, but women have been doing it for thousands of years because it works. Spend a little less time asking yourself “why didn't he call me back” and a little more time asking “who is the next man on my radar screen I would like to target”. There is nothing wrong with having more than a few men chasing after you, and that way when one doesn't call you back I guarantee you the others will.
Happy hunting,
-A.

How can you tell if someone has Borderline Personality Disorder?

How can you tell if someone has borderline personality disorder

Dear Aden ask@askaden.com

How can you tell if someone has Borderline Personality Disorder? I came to your blog by clicking a link on another site about Borderline Personality Disorder, do you know how can you tell if someone has Borderline Personality Disorder? I have been date a woman for 6 months and her behavior is really crazy. She goes through horrible mood swings but then she will be very nice. She always has an excuse after her outbursts and blames her actions on things like PMS or stress or the fact that she has had "a hard life". She makes me feel bad for her but then she is acting crazy again, how can I tell if she has Borderline Personality Disorder? She has never been treated for Borderline Personality Disorder. Am I crazy for thinking she has BPD? Should I date someone who has Borderline Personality Disorder?

Mike

Dear Mike,

Thank you for asking How can you tell if someone has Borderline Personality Disorder. I'm not a doctor but even if I was, I think you would have problems finding out "officially" they have BPD. My opinion is to answer "How can I tell if someone has Borderline Personality Disorder" the same way you would if you were asking "how can I tell if someone is a massive alcoholic". The idea here is that you can tell by their actions. Your girlfriend definitely is showing signs of someone with Borderline Personality Disorder, now you need to ask yourself do you want to be with someone who shows such horrible behavior? Forget the gifts and the manic times where she "loves" you (BPD's are not capable of real love) and ask yourself do I really want to spend my time and energy trying to figure out how to diagnose Borderline Personality Disorder or getting the hell away from her. People with Borderline Personality Disorder are emotionally, financially and physically dangerous, do you need to analyze her or protect yourself from her? If she was showing behavior that left you asking if she was a meth addict or a serial killer would need a diagnosis to know the right thing for you is to run?

The reason why a symptom of Borderline Personality Disorder is abandonment, is because most people see that they are highly functioning crazy people that destroy lives and abandon them.

Run away from her now, don't waste time asking how can you tell if someone has Borderline Personality Disorder and just run. Let her tell the next potential victim that she is so messed up because you abused her, her parents abandoned her, she was raped, what ever her particular "excuse" resume is, you will be part of it, just run.

- A.

How can you tell if someone has borderline personality disorder

Sales Position Interview Advice

Sales Position Interview Advice

Dear Aden, ask@askaden.com

Do you have any tips on ways to set myself apart during a sales interview? I landed an interview for a high paying sales job and I want to do everything I can to make sure I get the job. Do you have any sales position interview advice? I know my resume is important but obviously it's good enough to have gotten me the job interview and I want to know what I can do to make sure I get the job over the other candidates interviewing for this sales job.

Any sales position interview advice you have would be great.

Thanks,
-Alex



Dear Alex,

Thanks for writing in about sales position interview advice; I think the common mistake that most people make is they actually prepare less for the sales interview than they would a sales call. Think of a sales interview as a sales call on a deal that pays you a $500,000 commission; if that was the case how much prep work would you do ahead of time? Would you put together a presentation package for the client? I'm not saying do a PowerPoint for the person interviewing you for the sales job that you do want to be organized and present them with presentation materials, a business plan and a timeline for your success within their organization. If you do this you will be ahead of 99.9% of your competition. I've put together a quick video that outlines some of my sales position interview advice.

Hope this helps and good luck with the interview,

-A.

I want to sleep with my boss!

Dear Aden ask@askaden.com


I want to sleep with my boss! No, it’s not that I want to sleep with my boss for personal gain at work, I just find the idea of sleeping with my boss exciting. I know its bad but Im just really turned on by the idea that I want to sleep with my boss. I have never liked anybody at work before and he’s not super good looking I just have this fantasy of dressing up like a hot secretary and coming onto him? Have you ever had and readers write in about sleeping with their boss? Has this ever worked out for anyone who has written into Ask Aden? I am curious to hear other points of view on this.
-Summer



Dear Summer,

Thank you for the email “I want to sleep with my boss”. I haven’t had that question before but I think that this is a BAD idea all the way around. Maybe you can get a boyfriend (if you don’t already have one) and tell him you want to play a game and pretend you are his secretary. Maybe it’s the idea of a “boss” that excites you. But don’t let your boyfriend know that your “I want to sleep with my boss” fantasy came from your real life boss.

Don’t screw things up for yourself, good luck.
-Aden

Cell phone spyware detection

cell phone spyware detection

Here's a quick video that covers cell phone spyware detection and 3 ways that you can tell if your cell phone, Blackberry or iPhone has spyware installed on it. This video covers:

How do I tell if my cell phone has spyware on it?

How do I tell if my Blackberry has spyware on it?

How do I tell if my iPhone has spyware on it?



There are measures that you can take to help yourself in cell phone spyware detection…..

When is comes to cell phone spyware detection I think we are in a window in history where the phone owner is at a bit of a disadvantage. Like when spyware first started plaguing computers it took a lot a lot more savvy on the users part to detect the spyware and remove it. As time went on there were more and more off the shelf programs that you could buy to detect and remove spyware from your computer. I believe the same will be true with cell phone spyware detection in the near future and you will be able to buy applications specifically designed for cell phone spyware detection.

Until then, cell phone spyware detection is in your own hands and there are warning signs that you can look for on your handset:

If you experience trouble when you try to shut off or power down your cell phone, you may have spyware installed on your handset. A first step to cell phone spyware detection is to watch your handset when you shut it off and power it back up. If the phone just sits there you may have a spyware issue. Check to see how long your phone stays lit up after powering it down.

Another good tool for do it yourself cell phone spyware detection is listen for clicks or strange noises during calls. Many spyware products will allow a 3rd party to listen in to your calls. That transition into a hidden 3-way call can often cause a beep or click noise as the spy is being logged into your call.

You notice an increase in GPRS activity on your handset. This could be a strong indicator that spyware is tracking your phones location. Until cell phone spyware detection software is available keep an eye on your handsets GPRS feature.

Something else you can do on your own to aid in cell phone spyware detection is watch the face of your handset. If it lights up frequently without you doing anything, that is a good sign that cell phone spyware has been installed.

Watch the internet activity on your phone. Spyware often needs to use the internet to relay data from your handset.

Check your statement it is a great tool in cell phone spyware detection, if you see many more text messages than you remember sending you probably have a spyware problem.

Hope that helps,

-A.

How do I know if my iPhone has spyware on it.

How do I know if my iPhone has spyware on it.

Dear Aden ask@askaden.com


My boyfriend and I have been on the rocks for the last six months. Out of nowhere for my birthday he gave me a brand-new Apple iPhone. I hate to be ungrateful but ever since I started using the iPhone he gave me things have been strange. I researched how to tell if your cell phone has spyware on it and came across your blog. Is there such a thing as iPhone spyware? How do I know if my iPhone has spyware on it? Is iPhone spyware real? I think my boyfriend may be using Apple iPhone spyware to listen in on my phone calls, is this possible?
- Claudia



Dear Claudia,

To address your question “how do I know if my iPhone has spyware on it” the answer is iPhone spyware is real and is something that everyone that owns an Apple iPhone should at the very least be aware of. Just because Apple computers are less likely to get viruses does not mean that someone cannot place spyware on your Apple iPhone or that it is impossible to make spyware for the Apple iPhone.

There is iPhone spyware on the market that will allow anyone who has purchased it and has access to your iPhone to spy on you. IPhone spyware has powerful features such as live call interception, remote monitoring, stealth gps tracking, and more. iPhone spyware is basically the same as Blackberry spyware but it is a software application built specifically for the iPhone. An important point to highlight is that the iPhone spy software MUST be installed directly onto the iPhone. There is absolutely no way to install iPhone spyware remotely, without physical access to the iPhone. If your boyfriend gave you the iPhone he could have feasibly installed iPhone spyware before he gave you the phone. If this is what he has done the sad news is it's very difficult to tell if spyware has been installed on your iPhone and your boyfriend can record your activity such as location, text messages and call logs. I am not sure if iPhone spyware would allow him to listen in to your calls but I wouldn't be surprised if there is a version out there that does. If you suspect that your iPhone has spyware on it one thing you can do is keep an eye on the handset if it has a tendency to light up without you doing anything or you look at the bars and it seems like there is activity going on when you are not using the phone this may be an indication that your iPhone has spyware on it. One thing you could do is take it into the store without your boyfriend knowing and tell them that the phone never works right and see if they will give you a replacement. It sounds to me like you may want to think about getting a replacement boyfriend as well.

How do I know if my iPhone has spyware on it.

-A.

How can I get my wife to talk dirty to me?

How can I get my wife to talk dirty to me?

Dear Aden ask@askaden.com


How can I get my wife to talk dirty to me? I feel like I have everything and the only thing I can think I want is to have more fun in the bedroom.I have been happily married for eight years now, I love my wife very much and really have no complaints. If I had one wish, it would be to spice up our sex life by role-playing and having my wife talk dirty to me while we have sex. The problem is, that kind of thing does not seem to turn my wife on and she's never done it before. I've brought it up in the past but it's never really gone anywhere. I don't want to make my wife mad and push too hard, but you know how can I get my wife to talk dirty to me? Any tips or suggestions would be great.
- Eric



Dear Eric,

Thank you for the e-mail, “how can I get my wife to talk dirty to me”. I think the first thing that you need to do is help your wife in understanding that the idea of her talking dirty to you is something that you find very exciting and fun and that it is no way a sign that you don't love her or that you think less of her if she talks dirty to you. Sometimes women have a tough time separating making love and having sex just for the fun of it. As men get older and become more stable and satisfied with the way their life is little things like spicing up their sex lives with their wives are one of the few things that can bring men a lot of pleasure that they don't already have. If you are a guy that has everything and you are asking the question “how can I get my wife's talk dirty to me” maybe you should try the following:

The next time that your wife is thinking about what to get you for a present tell her instead of buying you a gift that you would love it if she would give you the gift of playfully fulfilling a fun fantasy of yours. Explain to her that this has nothing to do with your relationship and that you love her very much but that you always thought it would be really fun and exciting if she would talk dirty to you during sex. If you feel like she would do this for you for a special occasion but that you might have trouble breaking the ice with what you want her to do and say, try asking her to write down a scenario on paper with a lot of “blanks” that you could fill in for her this way you can let her know the type of fantasies that you have without having to really go through an uncomfortable discussion about it. By her writing down a scenario and you filling in the blanks you both get ease into the water. Even though you may not need to ease your way in you want to make sure that your wife feels comfortable talking dirty to you, and you probably don't want to end up in a situation where you are telling her what to say while you were having sex. An important thing to think about when asking “how can I get my wife to talk dirty to me” is that you want to make sure she feels reassured and comfortable after she talks dirty to you for the first time. Set your expectations at a reasonable level, if your fantasy is for her to talk extremely dirty, don't expect her to do this the first time you try it. Just let her do her thing and be happy that she is trying to please you. Most of all tell her how much you appreciated it, and do something nice for her in return immediately after like buying her some flowers or writing her love note. Don't just get what you want and leave her hanging.

Hope that helps,

-A,

Am I still hot?

Am I still hot?

Dear Aden ask@askaden.com

Am I still hot? I am over 40 and recently divorced, I went out to have drinks with my girl friends and they always tell me that I am still hot even after having kids. But I don’t feel hot. Am I still hot or are my friends just being nice? Is over 40 to old to be considered hot? Here is a recent picture, am I still hot?

-Kimberly



Dear Kimberly,

Thank you for the email “Am I still hot?”. Yes you are still hot. I am sure there are a ton of Ask Aden readers that would agree you are still hot over 40.

-A,

How do I ask someone out at the gym?

How do I ask someone out at the gym?

Dear Aden ask@askaden.com


How do I ask someone out at the gym? I work out with this hot guy and I see him there everyday. We always smile at each other during workouts. Should I ask him for workout advice? I really want to ask him out at the gym because I don’t know if I will ever see him outside of the gym. What is the best way to ask someone out at the gym?

- Allison



Dear Allison

Thank you for the email: How do I ask someone out at the gym? I personally think this one is pretty cut and dry and asking someone out at the gym is easy and should not be embarrassing if you follow theses simple steps.

How do I ask someone out at the gym, step #1: Introduce yourself. Don’t try and make small talk or ask them for workout advice, you want to be direct and lay the groundwork for a graceful exit if they turn down your offer for a date. Remember you want to do this so that you can still hold your head up when you see them at the gym later. Just walk up and say, “Hi I’m Allison, I have been meaning to ask you your name.”

How do I ask someone out at the gym, step #2: After you introduce your self and get their name go right in for the kill smooth and easy, no small talk. “Just say, its nice to meet you, you seem really cool” If you are a woman hand him your number (you wrote it down ahead of time) and say “I will let you get back to your workout but if you would ever like to go out sometime call me.” If you are a guy, say “you seem really cool, I will let you get back to your workout, I would love to take you out to dinner sometime, if you are interested write down your number when you have a break and I will call you”
How do I ask someone out at the gym, step #3: Back off and let them work out, nothing is worse than a gym stalker. TRUST ME if you follow these steps you will look cool, calm and collected and if they don’t take you up on your offer they will still smile at you and you won’t feel embarrassed.

-A.

My boyfriend won’t have sex with me enough.

My boyfriend won’t have sex with me enough.

Dear Aden ask@askaden.com

I just turned 25--been dating since 19. He’s way better in bed now then he ever was the problem is sex isn’t consistent. I want it at least 4 times a week. He wants it maybe once a week or twice a week.

My boyfriend won’t have sex with me enough and I am at wits end and sexually frustrated

we’ve done kinky toys, dominatrix, role playing, cameras, porn

watching, just stilettos- dirty talk, outdoors

What do I do?

Is he getting it elsewhere?
-Julia



Dear Julia

As you can probably imagine, the “My boyfriend won’t have sex with me enough” question typically is “My girlfriend won’t have sex with me enough”. Most guys take any chance they can get a roll in the hay and their partners would never have to write in claiming “My boyfriend won’t have sex with me enough”. With the little information I have I would like to offer this advice:

Is it him? It may be, I just don’t have enough to go on to tell you that he may have lost interest in you. My gut says that he is not cheating on you and that you are just in a slump. If this is the case, there will come a time in his life when he will look back on all the times he turned you down and wish he could have a mulligan. Having a woman that wants to jump you all the time is a great thing.

Is it you? It may be. When you tell me “My boyfriend won’t have sex with me enough” the one thing we can control is you. You have now reversed traditional roles and you need to suck it up just like most men do. I think your suffering may be temporary if you work on taking the “sex power” back. If you feel “My boyfriend won’t have sex with me enough” then one of the best things to do is starve him out. Be loving but don’t ask for sex, be nice and flirt but don’t try and jump him and if he tries reject him. Make a statement like “We can have sex tomorrow” when he asks. Then when tomorrow comes, do the same thing. If you do this to him for a month, he will become so sexually frustrated that he will once again do it whenever you want.

This behavior is pretty selfish in my opinion but it seems to be a pre-programmed system most women do in long term relationships, I hate even telling you to go this way, but if you want to call the shots sexually again, it may be time to act like most married women do.
Congratulations, by asking the question “My boyfriend won’t have sex with me enough” you now know what it like to be a man in a long term relationship.
-A.

Is watching porn considered cheating?

Dear Aden ask@askaden.com


Is watching porn considered cheating? My husband had pornographic DVD’s before we were married (nothing crazy just standard stupid porn) and I made him throw them away. I felt really creped out that because he was enjoying watching someone else have sex and it made me feel that he was whishing he was having sex with them and not me. I felt like he was cheating on me by watching porn. Is watching porn the same as cheating? I feel like it is. Do you think porn is cheating?

Jamie


Dear Jamie,
Thank you for the question “Is watching porn considered cheating” you mentioned in your email “I felt really creped out that because he was enjoying watching someone else have sex and it made me feel that he was whishing he was having sex with them and not me” let me as you this question. Is watching the Bachelor cheating? Cue the part where you say I am on crack and let me know that your question was “Is watching porn considered cheating – NOT ABC’s The Bachelor”. Hear me out, You felt bad because your husband enjoyed watching someone have sex on TV and then you drew the conclusion that your husband because he enjoyed watching this would rather have sex with them and not you and this made you feel like he was cheating. Cant your husband say the same thing to you when you watch The Bachelor or a romantic movie? You enjoy watching someone fall in love on TV so why cant he draw the conclusion that you would rather fall in love with the Bachelor then him and feel like you were cheating.

To say he is cheating because he is watching porn is pretty silly if you ask me. The fact of the matter is he is probably fantasizing about you when he watches it and just thinks its hot to watch porn. What’s wrong with a little harmless masturbation every now and then? How is that different then you crying over Leonardo in Titanic?

Just a thought, before you ask, Is watching porn considered cheating?
-A.

Finally cool diaper bags for dads: Diaper Dude product review.

Finally cool diaper bags for dads: Diaper Dude product review.

Diaper Dude product review: Dear Aden ask@askaden.com

My name is Mike I live in California and my wife and I are pregnant with our first child. This didn't really hit me until our baby shower when I saw the diaper bag that was given to my wife as a baby shower gift. Now I know that having a baby means the guy needs to just suck it up and learn how to do daddy stuff, but the idea of carrying around a hot pink diaper bag really gets me depressed. I thought about sticking diapers in an old gym duffel bag but that caused an argument with my wife. Am I being a jerk here? Should I just suck it up and walk the streets of Oakland with a hot pink messenger bag over my shoulder? I guess if anybody messes with me I can try and squirt diaper cream and there eyes and make a run for it. Are there any other options out there?

- Mike

Dear Mike,

Finally cool diaper bags for dads: Diaper Dude product review.

I found a great option for you, the Diaper Dude series of diaper bags designed exclusively for guys. Here is my Diaper Dude product review, Diaper Dude diaper bags won't make you feel girly for carrying them around in or will they make you look like a half assed caddy that is only good for carrying around your wife's purse when it comes to taking care of your child. The Diaper Dude diaper bag makes a statement that not only are you prepared and capable of taking care of your child, but that you are comfortable doing it. Media, marketing and manufacturers have been pretty tough on fathers, oftentimes discounting their role as active parents altogether, if you need proof just look at those horrible Procter & Gamble commercials that ran consistently throughout the Olympics, boasting “P&G proud supporter of moms”. As if these Olympians fathers did nothing to help their children become the great American athletes they are today. The good news is there are few companies out there that understand you are excited to be a father and want to support you in being a loving, prepared, active and caring father, Diaper Dude and Diaper Dude diaper bags is a great example of one of these fantastic father supportive companies. So if you want to look great and feel great about being the awesome father you are going to be. Scrap the idea of carrying around your wife's hot pink diaper bag and save your duffel bag for your gym clothes, the Diaper Dude diaper bag for guys is just the product for you.
Congratulations on the baby, I hope you liked my Diaper Dude product review and if I see an extra cool guy walking around the streets of Oakland with a Diaper Dude diaper bag I'll be sure to say hi.

-A.

Finally cool diaper bags for dads: Diaper Dude product review.

Is it okay for a guy to have a female personal trainer?

Dear Aden ask@askaden.com,
Is it okay for a guy to have a female personal trainer? I know it's “ok” but does it seem effective or even a little bit ridiculous for a guy to have a female personal trainer? I'm 28 and my husband is 35 we just moved and so we are forced to change gyms. My husband and I go to the gym religiously and he has never had a personal trainer before, personally I don't think he needs one as he works out four times a week and is super ripped. Now that we joined this new gym they gave us each two free personal training sessions. Immediately this trashy looking female personal trainer zeroed in on my husband and gave him a free personal training session. Now my husband is considering training with her and I'm afraid to bring up the fact that I'm uncomfortable with this. Am I being insecure? Is it okay for a guy to have a female personal trainer? Does it seem silly to you for a guy to have a female personal trainer?
- Ashley



Dear Ashley,

If there is one thing that can ruin a relationship it is insecurity. However on the subject of “is it okay for a guy to have a female personal trainer” I can't agree with you more. I don't think you're being insecure, and women tend to be fairly intuitive so if you're getting the "skank" vibe from this girl there is probably something there. The fact of the matter is there are 2 annoying types of trainers out there. Both should be avoided at all costs.

The first is the “Humiliater”

The “Humiliater” can be both men and women however, typically this type of worthless trainer is a man, this is the trainer who takes the fat ladies outside in front of 24-hour fitness to make them do squats in front of traffic. This is the guy that eats power bars while making you do lunges around the running track wearing stupid calf building shoe attachments. This trainer's goal in life is to make you look stupid by doing stupid things in front of everyone. The Humiliater comes up with exercises so humiliating and so silly that they think you'll keep coming back because there's no way you could think of this stupid shit on your own and if something is so horrible to endure it must be good for you. Humiliater's often only keep their clients for a few months before they've developed the self-esteem to quit and actually do quality workouts.

Asking the question is it okay for a guy to have a female personal trainer brings up the second type of annoying trainer and this one can actually do some damage.

The skanky female trainer. Men should not have female trainers, I know I'm getting at ripped a new one by the feminists out there but there's politically correct and then there's the real world. In the real world female trainers should be training females. Most female trainers have no idea how to train a man and the relationship quickly digresses to stupid flirting during workouts. Most serious athletes look at a female trainer with her male clients at the gym and laugh under their breath. If your husband cares about his image let him know he needs to say no to the female personal trainer. A number of years back I was fortunate enough to have a brief conversation with Mark Wahlberg and the subject of fitness came up. I asked Mark if he used a personal trainer and if so what type of trainer did he use. I can't remember his exact words but Mark said something that really stuck with me. He said he would never take advice from somebody that was less fit than he was. If you look around, probably 75% of trainers out there are in worse shape than the clients they are training. If your husband wants a personal trainer to help take his workouts to the next level I think that's great, but unless he's benching 275 and this female personal trainer can put up 300 then he should probably be talking to somebody else. If there is a guy personal trainer at the gym that has the body or husband wants that's probably a good start. If none of the personal trainers at the gym are more fit than your husband that he should be proud of the fact that he's the fittest guy in the gym and not waste his time chatting up Little Miss skanky pants for $75 an hour.
Is it okay for a guy to have a female personal trainer? If they want to look like a fool, throw their money away and not gain any of their fitness goals then yes it is okay for a guy to have a female personal trainer. If they want to spend $75 an hour to flirt with somebody they will get more out of a strip club than the gym.
-A.

Can a 40-year-old man date 20-year-old woman?

Can a 40-year-old man date 20-year-old woman?


Dear Aden ask@askaden.com

Can a 40 year-old man date 20 year-old woman? I know I know it sounds cliché but I'm 42 divorced and have met an amazing 20-year-old that I really want to ask out and it's not just because she's young I really like her. Can a 40-year-old man dated 20-year-old woman without seeming like a cradle robber or pervert? I am a very young 40 extremely fit, active and successful and I really don't feel 40 women my own age just don't seem to do it for me and are not active enough to keep up with my lifestyle but me know you think.

Thanks in advance,

Bill.


Dear Bill,

There is really no right or wrong answer or general guideline to the question can a 40-year-old man date a 20-year-old woman. You've mentioned some pros and cons here, so let's start with the pros first. You feel younger than you actually are and you look healthy and physically fit. Why is this important? To me when you asked the question can a 40-year-old man date a 20-year-old woman, you're probably asking the question because you are afraid that society will frown upon your relationship. This much of an age variance can be accepted by society if you appear to have more in common than you just liking younger girls and them liking the stability of an older man. If you are attractive and physically fit the age difference won't stick out as much so that's a positive for you. On the negative side you mentioned that she is only 20 years old. In my opinion, 20 maybe a bit too young, as she's still not even old enough to drink at the bar and you've been doing it for 21 years, but who am I to judge. I do think however that women do a lot of maturing between 20 and 25 years old. So if for some reason it does not work out with this particular 20-year-old, maybe down the road you can look for somebody who is at least five years older than her.



Lastly, I think the greatest determining factor is the one you didn't bring up in your e-mail, and that is does she want to date you. If she doesn't want to go out with you then who cares what everybody else thinks. If she is interested in a date or at least giving it a shot at going to dinner I think the most important thing that you need to do for both of your sake is to be yourself, nothing is more obvious and silly but a grown asked man fumbling his way through a conversation about subject matter that his generation knows nothing about. Just be yourself, and don't try to be too hip or cool and if it's meant to be it's meant to be. Can a 40 year-old man date 20 year-old woman? Yes, but as with any successful relationship it needs to be the right fit. Please don’t tell me you found her in a Korean mail-order-bride magazine either.
Hope that helps,
-A.