Is tough love a good treatment for borderline personality disorder?

Is tough love a good treatment for borderline personality disorder?

Dear Aden ask@askaden.com


Is tough love a good treatment for borderline personality disorder? I have been dating somebody with borderline personality disorder BPD for some time now and they always make excuses as to why they are incredibly depressed and their life is in shambles. I have been paying their rent for over a year and I'm wondering if it is time to start using some tough love and stop paying their rent. We using tough love make things better in my relationship with someone with borderline personality disorder? Is tough love a good treatment for borderline personality disorder?
- Mark

Dear Mark,

I of course am no psychologist but in my opinion to answer your question “is tough love a good treatment for borderline personality disorder” my short answer would be no. I don't mean continue to pay the rent, walk on eggshells, and be a victim to their emotional mood swings that come with dating somebody who has borderline personality disorder or BPD. I do think you should stand up for yourself but the reason why I question whether or not tough love is a good treatment for borderline personality disorder BPD is that in my experience someone with borderline personality disorder will act the same way, have the same mood swings, the same violent temper, and blame you for ruining their life whether you give them everything they ask for or institute firm tough love. I have not seen a single instance where a non-BPD person has made any significant improvements in their relationship with the borderline by using tough love. As hard as it may be for you to do right now you need to evaluate this relationship, not sugarcoat things, and think about what a future is like with no cure for borderline personality disorder. Then you need to decide if this turbulent, violent and delusional world is a place that you can afford to live in. Tough love or not one of the worst mistakes you can make when entering into a relationship with someone with borderline personality disorder is thinking that you can change them.

-A.

Is tough love a good treatment for borderline personality disorder