Dear Aden ask@askaden.com
I came across the borderline personality disorder links on your page. My question to you is, is this learned? My dad constantly cheated on my mother and she would go crazy swinging at him, throwing things, and yelling at the top of her lungs. As if it were completely normal. It wasn't just the cheating that would set her off that way. If they fighting I figured he did something once again to deserve her screaming and punching. I have a boyfriend and I admit I do the same as my mother. I scream and hit him and get as crazy. Now my boyfriend has never hit me on his own or hit me back. This is a huge problem in our relationship. He hasn't cheated on me so that's different from my parents relationship. But like my mom I felt like it was ok. I feel like I can't stop and control myself. I'm realizing now it's NOT ok especially if I want to keep my boyfriend. Is borderline personality disorder learned or taught? Is there a way I can do anything to better myself or fully change?
-anonymous
Dear Anonymous,
There is a lot of things you can do to better yourself. The behaviors you are displaying are learned from your mother and father but that does not mean you have borderline personality disorder. It also does not mean that you have an excuse for your behavior. Starting today you need to stop yelling, hitting and losing control. Unfortunately, it may be too late for the relationship with your boyfriend as once you abuse someone it is hard to stop abusing them.
I would find a counselor you can talk to that can help with a plan to change. Trust me, you can change and life will be a lot easier when you do. With the information you have given i think it is premature to think you have borderline personality disorder.
-A.
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