I met the most amazing girl last week she is 22 I am 28. My question is how long should I wait before we have sex? I really like her and I am more attracted to her than anybody I have ever dated. I can’t stop thinking about having sex with her but I don’t want to do it too soon and mess things up. I really think this could be a long term relationship for both of us, so…. How long should I wait to before we have sex?
You rock,
Mike.
Dear Mike,
How long should I wait to before we have sex? …… How long should I wait to before we have sex? …. Should I do it tonight? How long should I wait to before we have sex?
Do you think she will let it happen? How long should I wait to before we have sex?
I know what you are going through and hang in there. The fact that you are asking yourself the “How long should I wait to before we have sex?” question is a great sign that you have genuine feelings for this girl. I hope you were not looking for a hard and fast rule that solves the all too asked “How long should I wait to before we have sex?” question because there isn’t one but I can offer some assistance.
Rule #1 DON’T PLAN IT: Don’t strategize and plan the big event, and for that matter don’t get yourself into a position that makes you look like you planned it. This is bad news! No hotel dates, no flowers on the bed, none of that crap. If the relationship has the potential you think it does it will be a long one and there will be plenty of times when it will be appropriate to “plan” a hot night of sex, but your first time is never one of them. You want to make sure that your first time with her just “happens” and that you both were not expecting it. Trust me if you let it happen naturally you will both remember the first time forever, and you won’t have here thinking you are a player.
Rule #2 Give her enough space to want you: Men and women are wired differently, our DNA tells us to seek and concur theirs says, make sure the guy is “breeder” material so while you are boiling with the question “How long should I wait to before we have sex?” she may still be on the “Do I really like him?” question (that’s the one women have before “How long should I wait to before we have sex?”) most guys if given the chance would rather have sex before we decide if we like somebody… So give her a little more space but don’t come off as not interested or gay, just let her see you have some self control and that you are not whipped.
Rule#3 Use some common sense: Don’t do it so fast that she feels like a groupie after a one night only 2 Live Crew concert (you have waited a week already, so you are pretty much over that hump) but also if so much time passes that your question of “How long should I wait to before we have sex?” becomes “Will we ever have sex?” you are probably not compatible or you both have different ideas of what type of relationship you are in. If sex is a HUGE issue up front move on, run, get in the wind, get out! If you stay in the relationship those issues will get worse and worse. If your Spidey-Senses are telling you that getting her to have sex with you is going to be a problem, and you really want it and its been over a month, it’s probably best to pack it up.
Hope that helps,
-A.
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