Can I still wear the engagement ring from my fiancé who died before we were married?

Dear Aden, (ask@askaden.com)

After formal engagement of long past 1 1/2 yr. ago ...at that time I was given a very very beautiful and large platinum engagement ring and wedding set of rings encrusted with diamonds...My beloved gentleman died 3 months before our decided date of marriage... The ring was made with details for specifically "remembering him he said " to me... I would never want to change the ring in anyway ...It is nearly a perfect diamond and of significant value ,however none would I consider to sell or change ...He is gone and I know he would wish for me to be happy and secure in my older years to come...His children knew he gave me this ring with deep love...

This is such a beautiful reminder of that day of our recorded engagement celebration...
I am now torn ... as to whether I should wear this ring with and in the presence of the fine gentleman I am now dating and he too has asked me to marry him soon...We are elderly and I wish to accept his proposal and a ring...

I am reluctant; and have refrained from wearing my beautiful ring in his presence ...would this be in poor taste to do so ...? For fear he would feel ...??!! Who knows how men would react to this unfortunate circumstance of mine...

Please respond soon and truly grateful for your input to this matter of mine...
My Regards,
Dolores


Dear Dolores,
Thank you very much for your question. I am sorry for your loss in the past but I am excited (as you are) for your new love and future. I find it refreshing that you are taking your time with the issue of the engagement ring and have the feelings of your fiancé in mind when it comes to wearing a ring from your former engagement. You have a big heart and obviously love, admire and respect your fiancé a great deal, it sounds like both of you are very lucky to have each other.

A cornerstone to all good relationships is communication. If you have a conversation with your fiancé and explain to him the situation I think both of you will be more comfortable with the ring issue. I think ideally, given the circumstances it would be fine to wear the ring on your right hand, saving the marriage hand for your soon to be husband. If you need to resize the ring, any good jeweler can help and it should not cost much.
Right handed diamond rings are very popular now and have nothing to do with marriage or engagement. The man who you are engaged to now obviously is aware of your past. You are two grown adults with full lives that you have lived. But you also have a full life to live together. The ring is a reminder of your past life; your past has made you the woman you are today. Keep it, wear it on your right hand and don't be ashamed. Be proud of who you are, and the events that brought you there. I have a strong feeling that if presented with his feelings in mind and an explanation that includes an affirmation of your love and devotion to him your future husband will see things the same way.

Have a great new life together. Hope this helps,
-A.