5 Signs your boyfriend is cheating

Dear Aden (ask@askaden.com)

Is there any signs I should look for that would let me know if my boyfriend is cheating on me?

- Natasha

Dear Natasha,

Here are 5 tell tale signs your boyfriend may be cheating. I would trust your gut it is usually right.

1. You notice inconsistencies in what he is telling you. Cheaters often have trouble keeping track of the lies they use to cover things up. If you listen his stories will change or not add up at all.

2. Lack of intimacy or showering of affection, his moods can swing from totally not into or being super nice because he feels guilty.

3. Separate social lives. A guys night here and there is fine but when you have two totally separate lives, it’s a true sign something is up.

4. You discover secret email accounts or notice he is super paranoid about emails and phone calls.

5. Strange calls from strange numbers, if you can check the numbers thru a reverse number lookup online. Website like http://www.truthaboutcheating.com/ can help as well.

Click Here!

-A.

New Year's Eve Break Up

Dear Aden (ask@askden.com)

I have been dating my girlfriend for 4 months now and I am just not that into her. Over Thanksgiving she started asking me questions about New Year's Eve. I am not really feeling the relationship and I am wondering if I should break up with her before the New Year…

Any ideas?

Tom,

Dear Tom,

Break ups are always hard. If it has only been 4 months and you are just not that into, I would let her know ASAP or the next thing you know you are going to dump effort, time and money into a relationship that is not giving you much back in return. The holidays are stressful enough without a sub-par girlfriend in tow. Let her know now so she can make other plans in time for the holidays and you can be free to start the New Year off ready to make a new start.

Happy New Year

-A.

3 Strikes You're Out! - How long before I give him the boot?

Dear Aden, (ask@askaden.com)

I read your post about finding a man and agree. My problem is what happens next; I have no trouble approaching guys, and it never fails, when I approach I get a date in return. I've only been turned down once in three years...so my records pretty good. From an average girl like myself who gets an average of two dates a month, sometimes more, sometimes less. I tend to find something wrong with the guy by the third date, so I tell him he's not right for me and continue on my search. I have a list, as most girls do, of things I hope to find in a man. At what point (do you feel) is long enough to date a guy in order to see his true colors? Is the third date too soon, or just enough?

- 3 Strikes You are OUT!


Dear 3 Strikes,

Good question, difficult answer. My personal philosophy revolves more around your overall feelings rather than a timeline for number of dates. I guess the best way to gauge things when a relationship is new is by asking yourself, “Am I getting the better deal?” In order for you to get them most out of a relationship and give the most to your partner you want to feel like you are getting a great deal and you are lucky to have them in your life. Now that second part is hard, you need to have them feel the same way about you. If both people feel like they are the “lucky ones” your relationship is on the right track.

I think your list is ok, but maybe you are aiming a little low. Next time you approach a guy, go for one that makes you feel like you won the relationship lottery and focus the first dates on making him feel the same way. If he is as good as you thought he was, your list will go out the window before you know it, if you’re checking boxes at date 3 he’s probably not what you deserve.

Where I can fine a sane man, with a pretty face, nice shoes, a big heart and no addictions?

Dear Aden, (ask@askaden.com)

Where I can fine a sane man, with a pretty face, nice shoes, a big heart and no addictions?

- Rachel


Dear Rachel,

Its going to sound stupid but just hear me out….. My answer is I bet they are all around you and you are not taking advantage of your SUPER POWER! What Super Power you ask? You are a woman! Single men walk around all day thinking about you, so make it easy for them. The next time you are out and about and see a guy who has a nice face, shoes you approve of and no track marks on his arms, just walk up and say “Hi I’m Rachel, I like your style” see where it goes from there (Don’t do the whole “do I know you thing” it could throw him off, you want to make it clear you are paying him a compliment not trying to remember if you were in the same econ class in college). Women have it easy, all you need to do is crack the door open. Trust me there are plenty of super models asking the same thing you are, and guess what; they go out, see a guy, don’t step up and the guy ends up with some Godzilla that had the guts to say “Nice Jacket, you look great, I’m Nastylishious what’s your name?”

Us guys have it hard enough, don’t make us do all the work. Crack the door and we will do the rest.

-A.

I cheated on my boyfriend, now what?

Dear Aden (ask@askaden.com),

I cheated on my boyfriend while I was visiting my hometown last weekend with a guy who I liked back in high school and haven’t seen inyears. The whole experience made me realize how much I love my boyfriend and that I want to be with him. The guy I cheated with keeps texting and I don’t know what to do. I think I should tell my boyfriend before too much time passes.

- Anonymous

Dear Skank,

The first step after cheating on your boyfriend is admitting you are a skank. Most people that cheat and regret it end up doing four predominate things in no specific order:

1. They fight the internal feelings that they are a skank and try to explain away their actions with some sort of skank-healing logic. I bet right now you are saying things to yourself like; “I had no idea how much I loved my boyfriend until now, I needed to go through this to realize he is the one” Bullshit, If you needed to get wasted and do the nasty with some dumbass who was a “stud” in high school but has not moved more than a few miles away, your boyfriend is NOT the one. Or should I say you are not the one for him, because you are a skank. You may also be saying things like “if he was more (fill in the blank) I would not have cheated on him” or “he was so mean on the phone so I was vulnerable” bullshit, you are a skank. STEP ONE: Admit you are a skank, and make permanent steps to become a non-skank again. Starting now.

2. Cheaters who cheat and regret it try to counterbalance their internal guilt be being extra nice to the person they cheated on. This is one I happen to think you need to embrace, without making things obvious. Be nice to your boyfriend, you screwed up big time, do everything possible to get some karma back. Along those same lines sever all ties with the hometown dumb ass you hooked up with. By sever, I don’t mean some girlie long winded text message or covert phone call trying to explain that it was a one time thing and that in another world maybe it would have worked out. If you do this you are not only a skank but you are a loser too, we all know the reason you send this type of garbage is that you are fishing a compliment and the boost that having a guy want you gives your self esteem. Don’t ever call, text, or email this dude again, not to explain not to do anything. He is now dead to to you

3. This one is my all time favorite you said it yourself perfectly “I think I should tell my boyfriend before too much time passes” Oh my god! Do you really think I am that stupid or the world is that simple? Why don’t you just say what you really feel, “Dear Aden, I feel really bad for being a ho bag and that is super inconvenient for me right now because I have a ton of other stuff going on, I think I should tell my boyfriend so that I can get this burden off my back. Rule #1 of SkankClub, don’t talk about SkankClub, rule # 2, DON’T TALK ABOUT SKANKCLUB. Don’t tell him now, don’t tell him later, don’t tell him ever! That is just cruel and unusual. If you still don’t understand this read paragraph #1 again and again till it sinks in.

4. Cheaters ask their friends for advice, I hope I am the only person you told, this site is a great way to get your feelings out and its safe. Don’t tell your friends you cheated, don’t tell your parents, don’t tell your priest, rabbi or shaman, refer back to paragraph #1 deal with it and keep your mouth shut. Telling someone that you cheated without your boyfriend knowing you cheated or that you are now talking behind his back is double betrayal.

In closing, be nice to your man, lose Johnny Hometowns number forever, get tested for hometown herpes, admit you were a skank and pray the whole mess blows over. Maybe next time you will have mom and dad come visit you…

-A.

Need Relationship, Career or Style Advice?

Just email any question to ask@askaden.com

Should I be better friends with my boss?

Aden,

Thought I would ask your help on this one. I really like my job and don’t want to do anything to jeopardize it, but my boss (a guy) wants to hang out and be friends outside of work. Is this good or bad for my career?

Scott

Dear Scott,

Good question. The answer is, if managed properly this can be great for your career, but there is a lot at stake here so be careful, very careful.

The first thing to remember is that your job is just one component of your overall success. A lot of people wrap everything up into their “job” closing themselves off to many other opportunities all around them. The more you intertwine you personal life and free time with your boss and your “job” the less you will be able to keep yourself open to other opportunities headed your way. If you spend all your time with your boss the best you can hope for is to be your bosses top underling, and if he gets canned you are in a bad spot if you still even work there after his departure. You want to position yourself so that you can take advantage of almost all opportunities that come your way and most of them will have nothing to do with your boss or your current employer.

Next, just because your boss wants to be friends does not mean he wants to stop being your boss. Tread lightly here, egos are involved. The key is, he is still your boss (for now, if you keep your options open) you make a wrong move as a friend and you’re screwed at work. I have always had this policy; Make the boss feel good but keep a distance, when they talk about golf be ready to talk all about it in detail but keep the conversation on how good they are not you and avoid like hell the urge to start golfing together in non-work settings. Trust me the more you let them in the more one of two things will happen. Option one; they see your life is not on par with theirs and they see you as under qualified for future career advancements. Option two; they see how cool, fun and amazing your life is and it makes them jealous and the want to smash you down.

The bottom line is you want just enough social interaction so that when they think of you they think “Scott is a cool guy, he is my friend, I trust him and he is like me.” You want them to know just enough about you that they have to paint their own picture of what your life is like, that way when they visualize you for a promotion, their picture of you they have in their head is 90% something they fabricated form clues you wanted them to see and it fits with what the “think” you should be. Also, you want them to like you and trust you, but you don’t want them so close that they end up telling you something they later regret and end up chopping your head off in fear you will expose them.

Hope that helps,

-A.

The doctor is in!

If you have a question about it; chances are I lived it and can help!

I am Aden Ford and I am here as your new secret weapon on the war of getting ahead. Send me your dating, relationship, career and style questions and GET ANSWERS! It is my mission in life to make your life better.

Email me your questions to ask@askaden.com and I will answer your question on the site. All questions are posted without using the authors name, email or identity so you never have to worry about your privacy. I do not keep, sell or share your email address in any way. So you rest easy.

So go ahead ask that question, and get answers!

-A.